Sunday, January 23, 2011

Change in Plans


Not a whole lot to say this week but I sure did do a lot of thinking!

This week I made a trip to the cancer center. It was not to fill in as the imaging department nurse which I have done in the past. It was not to accompany my old farmer for his chemotherapy treatments which I've done a good many times. This past Wednesday I made my first trip there as a patient.



To date in 36 years of life I truly think this week was the most difficult. Right up there with the week I lost my grandfather. I went for my consultation & simulation at the cancer center. The consultation left me stunned and speechless. Sadly, I proceeded on to the simulation. (can only imagine what I am going to get for a bill for that) Talk about a humbling experience, almost surreal. That evening and upon awakening the following morning the tears never stopped flowing. Can't really explain but my gut feeling was that this treatment was not the right choice in my circumstance. I know it has been done previously to treat this condition but the long term effects of radiation just seemed too risky and there were too many unknowns. If I am to go through with this treatment I need a second and/or third opinion that agrees. The following day when I went into work and immediately called the cancer center and to put my treatments on hold and confided in the the doctors I work with. Long story short they contacted a few specialists and sent my records to doctors at Dartmouth-Hicthcock Hospital in NH and John Hopkins in MD. You might be a little unique if they say they are going to present your case at an upcoming conference. I am feeling truly blessed! In a much better place now. Looking forward to proceeding with this process and getting things taken care of even if it does put me in the poor house ;) or on a plane. (I've never flown) Next step, bone scan. Should know more in the next couple weeks. Will be talking Farming soon... I promise! It is almost time to get planting for the greenhouse. Happy days ahead!

16 comments:

doglady said...

Sounds to me like you've made a good choice to question the blanket treatment. Your friends in the profession will advocate for you which is good.

jenn said...

I'm so glad the doctors you work with are getting more opinions for you. Fingers crossed! You're a smart woman to follow your instincts.

Sue said...

I'm thinking of you!

jane said...

I am an hour from Dartmouth if you go there and need anything! The hospital is AWESOME. I had Aida there. It does not even feel like a hospital. Keep us posted....

Gray Wolf said...

I have just gotten on to my blog for the first time in almost a year and what do I see????
Well you know you are a very special person to many of us and I hope you continue to post about your new adventure. Having a large positive support group at your fingertips can't hurt. And it will be interesting to hear of your experience through the eyes of someone in the medical field. I am confident that you will be fine.

goatpod2 said...

Hugs and prayers for you sweetie!

Amy

http://goatpod2.wordpress.com

Venomous Kate said...

Not to sound cliche, but: longtime reader, first time commenter. I'd read your heartfelt post about your diagnosis and had been wondering what to say.

Then you posted this.

Listen, in the past 5 years I've: watched my mother go through - and come back from - stage IV colon cancer; had my own diagnosis of Stage III ovarian (I'm doing fine, though the post-ovoidectomy problems still drive me nuts), and lost my father-in-law to esophageal cancer.

He was the only one among us who didn't insist on a second- and third-opinion. Heck, my mother was a geriatric ontology nurse and knew better than to go with the first recommendation.

So I'm glad to hear you're questioning the initial protocol. It's YOUR cancer, and YOUR life, and YOU need to feel squarely behind the treatment. As "hug-a-tree hippie" as it sounds (which, I assure you, most people wouldn't consider me as thinking that way), if you aren't soulfully invested in the treatment approach it WILL NOT work.

So keep exploring, sister, until you find a treatment that your heart sinks its teeth into and tells you: "Yes, this. THIS is what we need."

Cancer changes you. It makes you listen to that heart. And, I pray you'll find, that heart will pull you through this winter of your life.

Meanwhile: farm on!

Jbamine said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Justine said...

Just be brave and strong. Always get a second opinion when you feel it... contrary to what most people think you know your body better than anyone... even a doctor. The bone scan should be a breeze you just have to be very still for a long time... good luck with everything as for the money dont worry it will always work out in the end... even if you have to work out a payment plan... Ive paid dr bills off 5 dollars at a time before... it will all work out ok?
Justine

small farm girl said...

I'm glad you are gettin other opinions. Only you know your body. Still praying for ya.

Joanna@BooneDocksWilcox said...

Your cancer sounds like the cancer a coworker (about your age too) was being treated for. Was in his neck and he did the bonescan, radiation treatments everyday, etc. He was terribly scared, but he's cancer free now. He's getting checkups, and he seems to be fine.

Of course, you do what you thinks best for you. We're standing by and in our prayers.

And don't worry about the charges.

Country Girl said...

Thanks for all the positive feedback. My condition is benighn...NO CANCER!!!

fullfreezer said...

Good for you for doing what you feel is right for you. Working at a hospital, I see it all too often that docs get an idea in their heads and think it's the only one.
Hugs.
Judy

henbogle said...

Always question and follow your instincts. And as I said before, I'm nearby and ready to lend a hand. Don't be shy about accepting help. Just as you are ready to help others, we are ready to help you.

Dawn Anon said...

sending good thoughts your way...

Country Girl said...

Thanks again!