In the Moment

I often think about things I’d love to blog about, a project I am doing, a good recipe share, cool projects my boy is working on, my life enthralling thought of the day…yet it often never materializes.  Life is busy and although I find this space to be therapeutic it is just not one of those life sustaining tasks I must complete, kinda like folding socks.  Not happening as of lately!


A couple weeks back I was sipping some of Maine Man’s homemade brew with a friend and she said, “I know what your can blog about, do a post on some of the struggles you’ve had lately, how life isn’t always grand, about being stuck in the sandwich generation.”


After she left I thought she is right, it is a post so many could relate to.  She too has her struggles while raising four young children in addition to  managing the care of her two ailing parents.






MM & I have been care- taking to some degree now for well over 4 years.  Started with some neighbors and now we are managing the care of a few close relatives in addition to raising our children, working, and tending this  small farm with the never ending to-do list.


It is no place you even envision yourself especially when you are young.  I alway pictured us raising our children then helping our parents as they advance in their age.  NOT!  If there is one thing I have learned in life is that LIFE will never go as you have planned!   But some how you have to learn to roll with it and have faith that everything will work out eventually despite the hardships and struggles you go through along the way.

Now more then ever I find myself more present in the moment.  Not in everything I do but most noticeably when doing chores.  I was just telling my Dad last night that I use to despise housework for a good many years, in particular dishes and laundry.   Now I find it therapeutic.  Weird, but true!  Just something about the rhythmic, repetitive nature of it.  The zone time to think and process all that life has in store for you.





I have no doubt that someday I will look back at it all and have no regrets for the sacrifices we have made to help others but regardless there are a good many days I struggle to keep my sanity.  Life is not without challenges and in these trying times is when we do our most significant personal reflection and spiritual growth.

Creating Your Own Happiness

This past year was a year of personal revelations for me. I am creeping up on 40 you see.  Last July I found myself soul searching deeper then I’ve ever dug before.   I asked myself, ” what makes me happy” and “what makes me not”.  I formulated a mental list and well I must admit I was a little verbal too.  And damn I’ve been sticking to it and for that I am in a peaceful space!


  

Overall I would consider myself a pretty happy person, although I have my moments…usually hormonally driven.  But I would find myself in situations that did make me a tad bit miserable.  For instance, I HATE shoveling load after load of mulch hay to the compost pile.   Maine Man not so much, he views it as a work out that he actually accomplishes something other then the work out.  I would much prefer to go to the gym and get my butt whipped by a coach.  I LOVE goats, they are a lot of fun but they are also a TON of work and if you have enough of them they can be very costly.  I loved milking, the process of it and the availability of fresh, raw milk .   But it was time consuming and tied me down big time.  I decided to get rid of the goats, I now spend five to eight dollars a week for a gallon of fresh, organic, raw Jersey milk.  Much freakin easier and a heck of a lot less money then all those stinkin’ goats were consuming.





When we first started this journey on the farm my thoughts were to be as self-sufficient as possible.  I slowly realized how much work that was.  Really, it is a full-time job plus.  I am now in a place that I don’t feel we need to do all.  There are other off-farm adventures in life I want to and will experience. Looking back I spent enough money taking beekeeping classes and getting set up to tend bees that I probably could have supplied us with local honey for the next 5 years.  Crazy, huh?  My plan is to offer up our land to an experienced bee keeper to put his or her hives here and I will follow them around and learn as I go before jumping on that bandwagon again.  Therefore we will get all the benefits of the bees, hands on training, and maybe a little honey too.  I would also recommend to anyone getting into bees to join a bee club….a mistake I made.  They are complex little buggers, more so then most can imagine.  It is nice to have experienced people to guide you through your beekeeping experience.


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I do like honey especially on homemade toast with a bit of peanut butter but maple syrup is my preferred natural sweetener of choice.  Fortunately, despite the wacky winter we had we still managed to put up approximately 4 gallons of syrup for pancakes, waffles, and I use it in my coffee. Maine Man is also in the process of making some maple wine.  Can’t wait to sample that.




In addition to weeding out the things that create misery in daily farm life I also made a stance on a personal level.  Instead of constantly doing for others I plan in time for taking care of me on a regular basis.  My kids are older now and very independent.  I am a much happier momma/wife for that.  I will end this rant with a saying that pretty much sums it up…..

• Eat like you love yourself.
• Move like you love yourself.
• Speak like you love yourself.
• Act like you love yourself.

 

A Farmgirl Home

Home is where my rocker sits,

Home is where my needles knits,

Home is where my heart gives,

Home is where my true loves lives,

Home is where I rake leaves,

Home is where I clean the eaves,

Home is where I make pies and cakes,

Home is where my squash bakes,

Home is laundry on the line,

Home is a pretty clock keeping time,

Home is where and old, wooden box

Hides feathers and cards and special rocks,

Home is where I hang my coat and tack,

Home always says, "Welcome Back,"

Home is "Matilda" in the barn,

Home is a kitten playing with yarn,

Home is where the pantry stores,

Pickles and jam and so much more,

Home is daisies, lettuce, and beets

Home is a freezer filled with meat,

Home watches over my many loves,

Photos, heirlooms, and a wooden dove,

Home is where I close my eyes,

And pray for rain or sunny skies,

Home is where my chickens scratch,

Home is where their babies hatch,

Home looks over stacks of hay,

Harvested now, 'twas grass in May,

Home is where stars shine down,

upon my house and me in my gown,

Home is where I keep myself,

Until I leave this earthy shelf.

Home is Heaven will better be,

But for now, my home here is a haven for me.

This came from this months issue of "Mary Jane Farm" magazine written by Sherry Jespersen

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED it and had to share it! Maine Man, the kids, and I are EXTREME homebodies so I could relate to that poem on many levels. There is truly is NO place like home!

Pure Insanity!

Well...at least that is what I was thinking when I showed up at my last Bee Keeping class.

In the doom and gloom of winter I thought it would be interesting to learn more about these brilliant little creatures so I signed up for a class through adult education. GLAD I did because I had absolutely NO idea how COMPLEX honey bees were. There was 4 classroom lectures and 2 days you could attend work in the field.

When I got out of my car I had not yet dressed in the proper bee keeping attire so I had to walk by this madness. I contemplated loading back up and heading home but I came to my senses.

See that big BEE she is the Queen....without her your in BIG trouble. I was amazed at how easily our instructor could find her in the hive.

He had just received a shipment from Georgia hence all the madness pictured above.

If my hive is built by June (my farmer friend is building it for me...spoiled I know) I will pick up my first Nuke (mini hive w/ a queen) next month. I have everything else I need except a smoker and the hive tool I think.

Pictured above is "Jen the local" who follows and sometimes comments here on my blog. She spoke up at the last class when she saw me grabbing my camera. SO glad she did! It was SO nice to meet someone that reads about our wacky life!

In my simplistic terminology this picture shows a baby bee being born. In bee keepers terms
which is a language of its own, this is a brood or worker bee emerging from cell in the brood chamber. Having ABSOLUTELY NO experience with bees the glossary of my book became my best friend in this class. The other bees help them hatch....isn't that COOL?


I was fully suited, some were not. Just a hood, yikes! One guy had a rope from the front of his hood down between his legs attached to his belt hoop on the back. I SO wanted to take a picture but I did not want to be a menace...LOL! I felt great comfort wearing FULL a suit with out entrances. At this point I was wondering if there were bees on my back like his? Better not knowing I think.

Great Class!

Now we will see if I can put some of what I learned into practice.

Big decisions....what color to paint the hive?

I think Pink! ;)

So much to say....

.....So little time. I have been taking lots of pictures and have several posts I've been scheming in my busy little mind. Planting Christmas trees, fiddle heading, a soil review by Maine Man, the demise of our mean a$$ rooster, super easy goat milk cheese I've made not once but twice, a cook book I'm currently obsessed with, my last bee class, asparagus and the list goes on and on. Unfortunately it will have to wait a bit. I hope to be posting by next weekend. We will see how my recovery goes with what I hope to be a final procedure to cure my ailing neck. Send some good vibes my way...HAPPY WEEK to All!

What's all the Buzz About?

10 years ago if you told me I'd be taking a Bee Keeping class I would have laughed and probably made a few sarcastic remarks.

Amazing how much one changes in a decade!

These pictures were taken at Montshire Museum of Science when we visited Vermont.

I am taking a bee keeping class locally through Adult Ed. We have 1 more class to go and two days in the field come May. Should be interesting! I will definitely take my camera along on one of those field trips. I am not sure if I will start a hive this summer or next. We have had our share of financial setbacks this year and it is not cheap to get up and going. The only supplies I have so far are gloves, my farmer friend plans to build me a hive soon. I'd be willing to do this project with a friend and share the expenses & honey come fall but I've yet to find someone crazy enough to join me in this venture...lol. I never imagined how much is involved in the bee keeping process. They are AMAZING little creatures! I am hoping to incorporate them into Flower Girl's homeschooling adventure next year. This surely will be one heck of a Science lesson!

Cruel April Fools Joke!

Yesterday we had yet another snowfall, up near 10 inches in our region.

How cruel! The night before we were playing a game of baseball in the back field.

Today we are shoveling and making our way through knee deep snow to collect sap to boil down more syrup. One thing I can say for sure, it has been one hell of a maple syrup season! I will do one more post on that topic for those that requested seeing the whole process. We only do a small operation, just enough for us. The way we do it requires very little effort so we never tire of the process. Many hours of Maine Man shedding lots of blood, sweat, and tears. :)

Appreciate ALL his hard work!

My first accident which happened on my way home from work yesterday afternoon. Not the first I've been in, but a first when I was driving. Humbling EVENT to say the least!

I walked away with a broken pride, sore nose & neck from the air bag and a couple facial abrasions. Glad there was no cars coming from the other way. Instead it was me vs. guardrail, I am ok with that.

My farmer friend was at the scene within minutes and stayed with me until they towed my vehicle back to my house. SO THANKFUL to have him in my life! At moments like these the support of loved ones is what you need most.

Instead of dwelling on the series of unfortunate events I've had so far this year I will look at the positive. I now have dodged two bullets this year. I am just thankful to have woken up this morning in my own bed. Then cooked these little monkeys WHATEVER they wanted for breakfast and had the ability to pick up their little mess here and there. And no I didn't even complain!

Random Rambling

(Almost) Always willing to do a project....Flower Girl was cutting up old towels into rags.

She cut them a little smaller then planned. So instead of using them as rags I've been keeping a basket of them in the kitchen and we've been using them as we would use paper towels. Since we spend a good amount of time in the kitchen we seem to use lots of them. Maine Man thinks I'm insane. I like to keep it that way ;) Keeps life interesting!

Me fooling around when we went to New Hampshire for my procedure. The morning of the vertebroplasty we took the kids to a REALLY cool place called Montshire Musuem of Science. It is actually in Vermont, about a 10 minute drive from where we were staying in NH. When I returned home my best friend said "only you would make a something like this into a field trip for your kids". We both had a good laugh! There were moments of the trip I laid there wondering whatever possessed me to take them along. Like after the 350th time they asked to go to the pool or when they jumped on the bed the night I had the procedure..... Yikes! But overall I was glad they were with me, especially the day of the procedure. If they had not been there to support me I would have been very emotional. Don't let me kid you, the night before I did do a little bargaining with God. However, I was very calm and at peace with the choices I had made when it came to that day. It helps that I really trusted & respected the doctor that was about to screw a large needle through my shoulder into by neck and fill the vertebrae with cement right next to my spinal cord. The procedure went very well and it was a good experience for the kids to be involved in.

Unfortunately, my medical dilemma continues with quite an interesting twist. I will share the story when I get some more definite answers. I feel that if one person can benefit from my story it will make sharing it worth while.

I am out of work for one more week. Next week is already filled with 3 physical therapy appointments and yet another trip to the doctors. I am fortunate in that we have FINALLY figured out where the true source of my pain is coming from. I am able to get relief although the situation is not always ideal. Both mentally & physically I am in a MUCH better place but I still have some things to work through. Little vague, sorry...I will tell more when I know more.

Making Treats for our Feathered Friends

Last year for the first time I made some tasty treats for the birds. I posted recipes here.

The other night my girl & I made some without following a recipe.

*We cooked up some pig fat in the oven in my cast iron kettle, the remaining was liquid fat and crackles, I believe that is what they are called. (little pieces of fat)

*Threw the crackles in the processor.*Dug deep into my fridge to find the bacon grease and such I had been saving for the last year or so, against Maine Man's will. Melted it down. He's a bit of a throw away kinda guy and I am a save it kinda gal. I just know I will find a use for it someday! Hence why I do the recycling, as painful as it can be.

*Threw in some bird seed, a bit of cracked corn, a few tablespoons of peanut butter. Mixed it all together and dished it out into pans and plastic containers of all sizes.

I was wishing I had saved a bunch of those plastic containers you get when you buy suet blocks in the store. I only had 1 and it was perfect for this project. Maybe I will put something on Facebook and see if my bird feeding friends will save some for me.

*Set the containers in the barn overnight

*Perfectly hardened! Popped the suet blocks out of the containers. Placed one outside for the birds and the rest in the freezer.

Little Messy but FUN!

I spy with my little eye...

....Something green in February~ONIONS~

Nice to see seedlings sprouting upon the window sills!

Last night was the first meal I cooked since my procedure.
I am not 100% but definitely better then I was pre-procedure.
Today was the first time in a while I did not have to lay down and did not take ANY meds.
Wooo hooo!
Nice to be back in the kitchen!
Many (not all) of the meals we cook come from the farm.
When we first started raising our own food each homegrown meal created a stir of excitement.
Now we often take it for granted.

We had pork chops from H1 who went to the butcher shop last week.
MM has processed some of our pigs in the past but with everything going on as of recently it was best to pay someone else to do it.

I also cooked up some mashed potatoes from the root cellar, we have enough left to bring us into summer I think.

For a vegetable I cooked up some Butternut squash. That stored nicely in cool storage...(Country Boy's closet) He was real impressed with me :/
Buttercup is my favorite but it was the worst for storage. Had I paid better attention and in the future I will Always eat those up first. Acorn squash & Spaghetti squash stored quite well but the Hubbard & Butternut by far stored the BEST! I am certain we will have enough until next years crop.

Home Sweet Home

I had to laugh when I saw this and grab my camera of course. FG was hugging Rona but her head was behind her.

We returned home yesterday after our looooong road trip. THANKS for all the well wishes! The procedure went very well now just waiting to see if it worked, time will tell!

So happy to be home!

I can see the light.....

It's been a long time coming! After getting a few opinions on what to do about my neck I have finally decided to have a procedure called a vertebroplasy. Basically the doctor will place a needle in my vertebrae and fill it will cement . I am praying this will relieve my symptoms! I am SO ready to get off this roller-coaster ride and have things back to normal again. Oh...the things we take for granted! This will be my final post before we go on a long road trip at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. I have yet to be nervous about the procedure just hopeful that all goes as planned. The kids are just plain old excited to be staying at a hotel that has not only a pool but a hot tub....lol. They too will be happy to have their Momma back....not the one that has to lay down every couple hours to relieve the pain because every medication out there seems to make her sick.

I will end this part of my post with a quote I read last night in Oprah's magazine. I thought it was perfect for my circumstance.

"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life, or learn something invaluable about yourself. Every challenge can make you stronger if you allow it."~Oprah

Flower Girl was home sick all week with a fever. By Friday she was a little antsy so I taught her to sew by hand. It took her about 5 minutes and she was sewing better then I. It kept her busy for a while and she loved it. I have a few more projects lined up for her. Since I did not pay much attention to Home Ec I'd like to learn really sew again right along with her. I may ask my neighbor's sister to give us some mini lessons after I pull out my dusty old sewing machine. She has been mentoring me through crocheting. That has been an entertaining experience. I am on my second dishcloth, my first came out the shape of a triangle...lol. If all works out with my circumstance I have even considered homeschooling in the future. It is something I have always been interested in and FG recently asked if she could do it next year. Country Boy says he wants no part of it....lol. I am sure it would not take long before he changed his mind but maybe not. I believe it is important for the child to want to do it rather than be forced into it. I have time to reconsider but for now I am educating myself of the possibilities. A few questions for the homeschooling folks that follow my blog.... do you follow a curriculum, if so what one do you use? I am interested in a nature based curriculum, potentially one you could correspond with sending in papers to be graded and such. Any thoughts on this? Hoping to go to a conference in the next month or two before committing to this crazy endeavor.

Change in Plans

Not a whole lot to say this week but I sure did do a lot of thinking!

This week I made a trip to the cancer center. It was not to fill in as the imaging department nurse which I have done in the past. It was not to accompany my old farmer for his chemotherapy treatments which I've done a good many times. This past Wednesday I made my first trip there as a patient.

To date in 36 years of life I truly think this week was the most difficult. Right up there with the week I lost my grandfather. I went for my consultation & simulation at the cancer center. The consultation left me stunned and speechless. Sadly, I proceeded on to the simulation. (can only imagine what I am going to get for a bill for that) Talk about a humbling experience, almost surreal. That evening and upon awakening the following morning the tears never stopped flowing. Can't really explain but my gut feeling was that this treatment was not the right choice in my circumstance. I know it has been done previously to treat this condition but the long term effects of radiation just seemed too risky and there were too many unknowns. If I am to go through with this treatment I need a second and/or third opinion that agrees. The following day when I went into work and immediately called the cancer center and to put my treatments on hold and confided in the the doctors I work with. Long story short they contacted a few specialists and sent my records to doctors at Dartmouth-Hicthcock Hospital in NH and John Hopkins in MD. You might be a little unique if they say they are going to present your case at an upcoming conference. I am feeling truly blessed! In a much better place now. Looking forward to proceeding with this process and getting things taken care of even if it does put me in the poor house ;) or on a plane. (I've never flown) Next step, bone scan. Should know more in the next couple weeks. Will be talking Farming soon... I promise! It is almost time to get planting for the greenhouse. Happy days ahead!

The Real Deal ~day 15

Initially I was not sure that I would even post this information but seeing how I have nothing to hide and would like to set the record straight for those who have been misinformed. And out of respect for my friends & family that have yet to hear what is going on the information will be most accurate coming directly from the source.

Rumor has it I have cancer, I guess no one is to blame after hearing the words tumor & radiation in the same sentence. What I do have is a cervical hemiangioma (a benign vascular tumor in my neck). I have probably had it my entire life however it has progressed throughout the years. Hemiangiomas of the spine are very common however they are usually found in the lower vertebrae (lumbar and/or thoracic region) and they do not usually encompass the entire vertebral body as mine does. The orthopedic neurosurgeon I saw said I am only the second case he has actually see in his many years of practice.

Long story a little shorter.....I have had neck pain since my 20's which has progressed. I was seen a few times with no real findings and just resumed to living with intermittent pain. Last February I was asked to be a test patient for a neck MRI and the hemangioma was an incidental finding. Fast forward 9 months later.... the frequency and severity of my pain was worsening. I consulted with a couple other doctors and after very little convincing from Maine Man I went to see my PCP and then was sent to an Orthopedic Neurosurgeon who then consulted with some of his colleagues due to the rarity of my case.

The worst case scenarios with this cervical hemiangioma is a compression fracture potentially leading to paralysis and/or uncontrollable bleeding if I were to emergently require surgery.

The plan.... I will be receiving radiation therapy starting in approximately 2 - 3 weeks. I will receive 20 treatments total, 5 days a week for 1 month. I will be watched closely throughout and thereafter in hopes that the bone will grow back and/or scar tissue will replace the tumor. I am hopeful that this treatment will work but if it does not I will have to have neck surgery to fuse my vertebrae.

With this new adventure the commitment to post here on my blog everyday in 2011 will not happen but I will still try to post frequently. My plan is to sneak my camera into the cancer center and share some bits & pieces of my journey.

No Cream Creamy Broccoli Soup - day 5

Last weekend I made this soup. It is currently Flower Girl's favorite soup. She is a soup lover just like me. There is just one big problem the base is chicken stock as most of the soups I make are. I am currently out of stock and flipping out because I refuse to buy that watery, overpriced crap in the store. Here we are in the midst of soup season....waaaaa. Not only am I out of that but I am almost out of chicken. Can you say CRISIS? Somebody was not paying good attention to the freezer stock and Maine Man is not into getting broilers for a couple more months. Booo Hooo.... I am going to have to buy flippin' chicken at the meat market. That may just about kill me. Enough with the drama, right? ;)

This recipe comes from a magazine titled Kraft food & family

• 2 medium carrots, peeled, chopped
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 celery stalks, chopped
• 3 Tbsp. oil
• Approx 30 ounces of chicken broth ~use the canned stuff if you must ;)
• 2 cups of water (I used all broth, NO water)
• 2 small bunches of broccoli, trimmed, cut into 3 inch lengths (whatever, I don't follow directions well. Maine Man will agree to that. He also says I have issues when told what to do.....I disagree)
• 1/2 cup on uncooked minute rice (I used regular whole grain rice)
• 2 cups of milk
• 1/4 cup of grated Parmesan cheese (I used more)

Lots of salt & pepper (my own addition)

1. Cook & stir carrots, onion, and celery in hot oil in large sauce pot on medium-high heat for 3 minutes. Add chicken broth and water (again I say no water). Stir & bring to boil.
2. Stir in broccoli & rice. Reduce heat simmer for 10-15 minutes (I did longer to cook the rice.) or until vegetables are tender.
3. Add soup in batches to blender or food processor. Blend until pureed. Return soup puree to pot. Add milk & cheese. Cook until heated.

So in my hysteria I went to the butcher shop and ordered 40lbs of chicken bones. MM thinks I'm insane. I kinda like it that way :) I MUST have chicken stock! I'll admit I am a bit of a food hoarder. Is there a TV show about that. Maine Man would sign me up.....LOL

Less is More

I've never been much of a decorator
Not much of a shopper either


Year after year we pull out a same tote of Christmas decorations that we've had for years.
Many of the ornaments were made by the kids. Some we've acquired from friends & family.

Maine Maine with his brew....lol

We chuckled when my Mother gave us this ornament 15 years ago. Now each year when I place it on a branch I am thankful for yet another year with such an amazing man.

Made by Flower Girl a couple years back.

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Each ornament tells a story ........

.......of our simple life.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!

Tomorrow we will be making a special delivery.....stay tuned!