Sunday, September 30, 2012



These beautiful sunflowers sprouted from bird seeds that had fallen from the bird feeder.  Near the end of my farmer friend’s life we placed a few feeders in front of his sun room, the room he spent his days in.  The birds that frequented his feeders became his life.   In addition,  he also had a one hummingbird feeder.  Those were the birds he marveled over most.  He could tell you a multitude of fine details about them.  Even how many had visited on any given day.  Towards his final days the hummingbirds stopped coming.  He took that as a sign saying his days were numbered, he was right.

Some words I recently wrote to someone who was very dear to him, someone that  understands the loss: “I miss that man!  As time has passed since his death my longing for him grows deeper. I think of him so many times throughout the day, many with a smile on my face but many with selfish tears running down my cheeks. He was so much a part of my everyday life knowing every little detail of my days as I did him. I miss our companionship, I miss his unconditional love, I miss his hugs, I miss his smell, I miss EVERYTHING about him! I was driving by the house today and I stopped to put the trash cans in the garage that were by the road.  Maine Man had put them there earlier in the day….the last of the trash from cleaning up the property. I grabbed the cans and just as I started walking forward a Monarch butterfly swooped in very close to me and flew off. I took it as a sign… he was there. This afternoon MM asked me to go out and drive the tractor while he stacked the hay. I agreed after bribing him, “well you’ll have to milk my goats then” I said.  (hee, hee)  Any way I was driving my farmer friend’s “favorite” tractor and the sun was shining down. It was simply gorgeous out and I could not help but smile looking up thinking how proud he is looking down on me driving that big old tractor doing what he lived for. I am comforted from the fact that I feel his presence, his spirit often but still struggle with the fact that I will not physically see him, talk to him, hug him until we meet again.”

I can honestly say that I have never lost someone so dear to my heart as that man!  Now that bird feeder sits outside our home-school room windows and we often marvel over the frequency and variety of birds visiting .  His soul lives on in many different forms….I am so very grateful for that.